It's my birthday today, which I really try not to make a big deal about. As I inch closer to 30, I am struggling to keep down my panic that comes along with getting older. I don't know why I dread 30. I suppose I am too vain, my perspective is all wrong, but I really think it is that I just never imagined my life going by so quickly. Last night a (rather morbid, I admit) thought popped into my head. What if I was sick or something and I didn't have a chance of seeing thirty? Wouldn't turning 30 seem like a dream, a privilege? I teared up at the thought. It put things in a different light and I have been rethinking my journey into a 1/3 life crisis. I have been all wrong about how I see aging. So what if I am seeing a few more wrinkles and gray hairs? Vanity, vanity. I should be happy, blessed, and full of joy that I have another year of life. After all, I am healthy and supremely blessed beyond what I deserve.
So, my dreary attitude is gone, along with another year of my 20's. I am happy that I get to celebrate today. I am thinking about how many great things are still to come in my life, and I want to age gracefully and graciously.
So, maybe I'll celebrate and buy a thing or two off of that happy wish list up there. Maybe I'll eat cake for lunch and dinner. Maybe I'll watch junk tv all afternoon. Whatever I do to celebrate, it will be such a happy birthday!